An O’Fallon man is facing charges that include filing a false police report and leaving the scene of an accident, all because he’s a big pussy who’s afraid of his wife.
The accident happened Tuesday night near the intersection of Weldon Spring and Highway K, just outside the O’Fallon, Missouri city limits. St. Charles County Sheriff’s Deputies said the man wrecked his car and then reported that he had been carjacked. According to reports, the man told authorities a guy with a Glock pistol forced him out of his car and took off.The man then walked home and told his wife what happened. The investigating deputies later determined the man wrecked his car and, in attempt to hide the accident from his wife, said he was carjacked.
Dude wrecks his car on Highway K in O’Fallon, and the best excuse he could come up with was that he was car jacked?! Who or what would car jack you on Highway K?! A deer? Maybe it was a raccoon, they look like cute little highway bandits with their built-in mask, so maybe it was one of them? Come on man! You’d have had a better shot saying…well…anything else. Maybe you almost hit a deer and vered off the road? Maybe one of them gay marriages was happening on the side of the road and you crashed your car to heroically (in St. Charles County) stop it? Maybe aliens saw you coming and ditched the crop circle game to instead bust out the anal probe, but you narrowly escaped by performing a precise swerve maneuver following by the most bitchin’ doughnut anyone has ever done to launch yourself off the back of a dump truck bed you used as a ramp, knocking the alien ship off course and causing them to leave the planet and abort their evil plot…but during your landing, while high-fiving NASCAR driver Dale Earnhart Jr., who you happened to be giving a personal driving lesson to that night, you lost control and wrecked your car (Dale had to jet right after, since he didn’t want the public to know about the driving lessons). Hell, maybe it’s not so bad that you just crashed your car because of a general “things happen”-type accident?
Nah, go with the aliens thing.