Apparently there is something in a Family Dollar store than has some value: The safe.
Thieves used a tow truck to yank a large safe from a Family Dollar store early Monday morning, police said.
Police said it was unknown how much money was in the safe.
We’re betting is was mostly dollar bills, half of which were wadded up and probably wet for some reason. The other half smelled like menthol sadness.
While this is clearly not good for the Family Dollar establishment, it is potentially great news for the patrons as the store’s inventory of dented food products has surely just exploded!
The police found the truck abandoned and burnt out near by and don’t have any other leads. However, our investigation in to this incident has lead us to one eye witness that claims the tow truck was being driven by four grade-school aged poor children who were stacked on top under a trench coat. Apparently their rage was fueled by the crappy Christmas gifts their parents purchased at this very Family Dollar a few days earlier. The ungrateful little bastards thought that if they were only going to get a knock-off Barbie doll, some “fun putty”, and yet another cheap bouncy ball then they should stick it to the man by destroying the ball, throwing away the putty and getting the $3 dollars their parents spent in their pocket. …The girls say they are keeping the knock-off Barbie though because it’s a good decoy for their brothers to destroy while leaving her actual Barbies alone.