“What? No! You’re crazy. He’s not like that at all!”
“We need a van because the extra cargo space is nice, ok?!”
“What do you mean we need more Butterfingers? Didn’t I just buy a bunch of them!?”
“Oh come on mom! How does someone look like a pedophile?”
“Hey honey? Can I borrow your phone for a second I gotta check the traffic for my dri…what the hell is this?!”
A 34-year-old man from Wright City is jailed on child porn charges after his fiancee turned him in.
Authorities say that the woman found sexually explicit photos of an 11-year-old girl on Randall Abernathy’s cell phone.
We’re guessing the wedding is off, and that there’s one crazy big “I told you so!” waiting for the next time she visits her mom.
Investigators determined that Abernathy had been taking photos of the girl for the last year, and also had “deviate sexual contact” with the victim.
We really don’t want to be the one to say “Geez, what did you think lady? This guy reeks of pedophilia!” …wait, that’s not exactly how I wanted that to sound. To be clear: We have no idea what “deviate sexual contact” with a minor smells like! However this guy does have that “I touch kids” vibe to him doesn’t he? The neck beard, the lazy eye, his iPhone’s wallpaper, the little kid on a leach he brought with him to the arraignment…
Note to all ladies: Guys like “School Girl” outfits, but when you put one on and he says, “Eh…I was hoping for footie pajamas and a pacifier.” it’s time to take another look at that phone because that might not be “his niece the gymnast” and it might not be true about how he said “Gymnasts never wear pants!”