Everyone jumped on the story a few weeks ago about Collinsville banning sagging pants because it’s a stupid law that either won’t be enforced, or will be enforced until the cops get tired of looking like assholes writing tickets to some beltless kid. You know who agrees with this assessment? The Collinsville Police Chief.
[P]olice Chief Scott Williams told Knabel and City Council members that he’s fundamentally opposed to the new law, which makes wearing pants 3 inches below the hips illegal.
“I personally will not enforce this ordinance and I’ve asked my men not to,” Williams said. “I don’t have the legal authority to tell the police officers who work for me not to enforce a legal ordinance, but I can use discretion not to enforce it and I will do that.”
Nicely done Chief Williams! It’s good to see someone take a stand against stupid, pointless laws like this. He even cited some pretty solid reasons for his disregard of this law: perceived racism and protecting his officers from civil liberty litigation.
“I am going to ask you to rely on my professional judgment when I come to you and say that this particular ordinance is going to put the Police Department in a very negative position,” said Williams, the Collinsville police chief since 2005. “And I would respectfully ask that you repeal this ordinance at your earliest opportunity.”
Seriously what is with this law? Is sagging pants really a problem or did a bunch of old farts finally notice this decades-old trend one recent night at Denny’s and decide she’d rather spend time on doing something about that rather than her actual job? You know what clothing we happen to find far more offensive than a little sagging? Shiny, bedazzled, aqua-colored jackets. Yes, that’s the bill’s sponsor, Councilwoman Liz Dalton to the right rocking that lady side-spike and a 66-watt smile all while wearing a jacket approximately 42 times more horrible than some kid letting his plaid boxers peek out. You can’t die from someone sagging, but if you’re walking down the street in a jacket like that, and the sun catches one of those rhinestones just right, it could temporarily blind and passing driver, causing him to miss his turn, flying off the road, smashing in to the propane tank attached to the areas’ school…or orphanage…or school for orphans. 100’s of orphans would be burned alive while a smaller subset would be missed. That jacket kills. It must be outlawed.
Once again, way to go Collinsville Police Chief Williams! …now what is the current policy on citizen arrests around here? Because dead orphans or not, if we have to look at this bad “Marty McFly on acid” halloween costumed councilwoman any more, we might go blind.