Pujols Contract Season: Totally Going Just Like They Planned It!

Just six months ago everything was coming up Pujols. He was getting offered the big money for his next contract, and he was turing it down for bigger money. His agent, Dan Lozano, was out there telling his client “Hell yeah you should go in to your walk-year without a contract! Think of the money we could be offered on the open market! We’re talking huge money Al! The only thing that could go bad is that you have a bad season, but lucky for us you’ve never had a bad season! Ha ha ha! [Lights cigar with hundred dollar bill]”

…and then this happened:

  1. Huge media blitz during Spring Training because of Pujols’ self-imposed deadline

  2. Started the season with the deepest and longest slum of his career

  3. A good couple of weeks.

  4. Breaks forearm, out for 4-6 weeks.

We called Lozano for an update on how he’s doing, but his assistant said he was busy standing on the balcony of his high-rise apartment, drinking whisky out of the bottle and calling himself a pussy because he doesn’t have the balls to jump.

Yup, the latest is that the big man will be out 4-6 weeks with a fractured left forearm. Which, for those scoring at home, is not as bad as a broken wrist, but might be according to Bernie @Miklasz (That’s how you write his name now. He’s fully integrated in to Twitter.)

[T]he radius (forearm) connects to the wrist, so this is still a potentially sensitive area for a hitter. It’s too soon to know if there will be any long-term, lingering impact on Pujols’ power and hitting when he returns.

So we’ll all just have to wait and see how Pujols comes back from this injury and in the meantime, enjoy a quick preview of the 2012 Cardinals, whose slogan will be “Hey everyone! Check out how well we can hit the ball! …but after the third out, go stand in the nacho line. We get embarrassed when people watch us try to catch the ball with our feet and forearms.”

Cheer up Lazano! Maybe the Cardinals will take the advice of Yahoo! Sports’ Jeff Passan and want to hammer out a deal while #5 is on the DL. Those two weeks of “Pujols baseball” were worth at least $30 Mil right?

via STLToday