Former President Bill Clinton will speak at University of Central Missouri’s graduation next month as well as receive an honorary doctorate. Why? Because the University of Central Missouri is an important…um…it’s a school that everyone remembers exists…well, not really…it’s um…well, out of all the fake doctoral degrees out there, University of Central Missouri’s is…uh…definitely…one of them.
The university says Clinton is being honored for his commitment to education and philanthropy as well as his service to the country as president. The school’s announcement cites his work, through the William J. Clinton Foundation, in promoting health and economic development initiatives worldwide.
Sure, what the hell right?
Also, we all know Mr. President likes ’em big and there’s no place better to hypnotize some big fat girls in to having weird sex with you than the middle of Missouri!
…also, if recent history with Missouri universities holds true, Clinton will talk a good game, and then bail to to speak at the University of Arkansas at the last second.