Woman Attempts to Hire Hitman to Kill Husband

A Collinsville woman has been charged by the police for attempting to hire a hitman with the intent of having the father of her child killed. Christina Keck offered a measly $600 bucks to a man to kill her baby daddy…but the guy was an undercover cop…or he just said that to seem more bad ass after he turned her in for trying to have someone kill a man for less than the price of a MacBook.

$600 might get us to step on his toes really hard, possibly in boots…we’d spit on a guy for that, maybe even kick him in the balls, but not kill him. Gonna need more zeros on there then two that’s for sure. Well, maybe if he was like really old and going to die soon anyway, $600 might cover it then being as you are really only slightly accelerating a proces that already began in his crusty old internal organs. Possibly also it might be worth it if he was super fat, like maybe getting one more Big Mac down that gullett could send him over the edge…could be only worth $600 then. Clearly there are a lot of factors in play here and we really don’t know all the details, so let her go city of Collinsville! PK said it was cool, but only if the husband was a fatty…or old. You know if the guy was a molester or super ugly the price could come down too since it would be like doing the world some good to axe this dude. Didn’t think of that last part until just now. Ok so $600 is totally worth killing a guy for if he is fat, old, a molester of some kind, or super ugly, otherwise, not worth it.

…one more: If the guy has ever said the phrase “Home Alone 3 really wasn’t that bad.” Also worth it then. Frankly, you should put that guy ahead of molester on the list.

via KMOV