Taste of St. Louis Looking To Entice Local Fatties

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In a masterful attempt to get St. Louis’ most incredibly obese and portly residents off the couch and into traffic, the folks at the The Taste of St. Louis have designated the first three days of the coolest month ever (October) to St. Louis based cuisine, music, and confusion.

“The award-winning Taste of St. Louis is a celebration of the best food, art music and culture our great city has to offer. There is something for everyone at the event, as our array of activities and participants continues to grow each year. Our turnout of more than 300,000 patrons last year proves it!!”

300,000 people? Really? That’s going to be incredible.

I’m all for city pride. I love our local restaurants and I even endure some of our shittier traditions (Imo’s pizza)….but damn…300,000 people within 3 days, downtown, elbow to elbow just eating shit? And it may grow? Look out Chicago, we may have you beat!

As pictured above, folks from all over the city will stand in each others way as everyone displays indecisiveness for three tasty and surprisingly expensive days.

This makes me smile on a plethora of intolerant levels…

  1. St. Louis has a rich tradition of assholes. From Auggie Busch to Monsanto CEO’s, it contends with some of the greatest assholes per capita nationwide. If we pack 300,000 people downtown, odds are we’ll see some fantastic ass-holery. I love watching people–so this will be an epic weekend.

  2. The St. Louis Police Department. Oh Lordy, help us now! My goal is to attend all three days of the festival in hopes that Carl Winslow’s doppelganger approaches a Porta-Potty and is promptly locked in by some hooligans with a Gyro and foot long corn dog securely in his hand. When you mix alcohol, Segway patrolmen, and no respect for authority you get some of the greatest sitcom script ideas…ever.

  3. Local music hasn’t been the same since Gravity Kills and the Urge went the way of the sun. But the rich history of the St. Louis Blues scene is enough to keep it barely breathing. Just thinking about it– I prefer to hear the Blues while I’m eating food. Mainly because I get to hear that someone is obviously worse off than I, which makes me feel less guilty about eating my weight in toasted ravioli.

  4. “New this year – the Art & Wine Walk will intrigue event-goers with local and national artists paired with wine tasting from some of the area’s most popular wineries.” You know what this means? We’ll see a fine mix of West County elitist douche bags interlaced with some of North County’s brightest. West County folks will be excited about the Wine and Art and the North County folks are delighted about the rare opportunity to mug them. Everyone wins!

I don’t mean to come down to hard on our populace. I love St. Louis. It’s my home. I just think when you add long lines, hungry inpatient people, and cultural differences you are always going to see an eruption that can be documented into the hallowed

halls of Dickhead-lore.

It’s the unexpected reactions or irrational people that keep me coming back to St. Louis and her wonderful festivals. I’m looking at you Hispanic Heritage Celebration!

via / image source: tastestl.com