The Stone Temple Pilots, the great 90-alternative rock group, has released word that they are canceling their tour stops between September 21st and “mid-October” for a “short break” in the tour. The missing dates, which includes the previously scheduled stop in St. Louis on September 30th, will not be rescheduled, and we found this note left from the members of STP to you, their St. Louis fans. It reads:
Dear Non-Rock Stars,
Go f*ck yourselves. We don’t care if you like us or not, we will be skipping your tour stops because we are sleepy and drunk…mostly drunk. We were going to stop by St. Louis and play, but for one, we were booked at something called the “Family Arena” and that didn’t seem right with our skinny heroin-addicted lead singer. Who would want to go play a big rock show in the middle of a field? It’s being the musical act at the party in Dazed and Confused, only there will be less pot and more crew cuts walking around.
Also, our friends in Kings of Leon said that if you don’t want to do the show in St. Louis, you can just say “F*ck this shit. Lets just play three songs and get the hell out of here. What?! Oh…I mean we love you guys, there is just too much…um…bird poop around here! Yeah, bird poop! Really gross. No, we have no idea how all the birds got inside the non-open air Family Arena or why you can’t see the birds or the poop. Whatever. Bye.”
In closing, blow us.
– Stone Temple Pilots
We think it was nice of them to at least write a note. They didn’t have to do that.