St. Louis Apparently Big in Chess Scene So We Pick Who Should Play the Pieces.

So apparently St. Louis is a chess hot-bed. Who knew? Apparently its such an awesome chess scene that this crap happened…

A few weeks ago, [Hikaru Nakamura, the reigning national chess champion] made news simply by relocating. The 22-year-old announced he was moving from Seattle to St. Louis to be a part of the burgeoning chess scene and to be a spokesman for the swanky Chess Club and Scholastic Center of St. Louis.

It was the latest sign that St. Louis has become a national hub for the game.

I know right? Can you imagine that little ole St. Louis lured the Labron of chess to town.  This is amazing. Start lining up…um…chess…wait…I’ll come up with something…dammit…screw it. Start lining up chicks that are in to chess stars…which I know don’t exist, but this would have been funnier if I could have figured out a funny way to name chicks that are into chess players.

So if St. Louis is the big swinging rook of the chess world, then who would we think each of those stoic chess warriors would be played by in St. Louis? Lets run though them…

Pawn: This would be someone dispensable. Someone that people think is useful but really, if they get taken, eh who cares. Got it: Skip Schumaker.

Rook: The rook goes in straight lines, never veering from those lines, straight laced and tough as they come: _Tom O’Nea_l. Never met the guy. Looks like a bad ass…like a thinner, more badass Commish with a little more hair. You do not want to mess with him.

Bishop: Sliding by with his fancy hat thinking he’s all awesome, but really he’s not that great. Although he can be useful in moderation, he’s way over-rated: Bryan Burwell.

Knight: Noble and awesome, but can’t walk a straight line. This one is easy…its the guy we saw in a pale blue suit strutting his stuff in L-shaped paths through the Loop at 9am Monday aided only by his towel-rod “cane”.

King: The King moves slowly, one careful step at a time. Important, but not really all that useful. This one’s a gimmie: Mayor Slay.

Queen: Queens move quickly and all over the place, helping out everyone, basically doing a seemingly endless amount of jobs and having a great time doing it because its not the King that has all the fun…its the Queen: The Vital Voice’s, and St. Louis’ resident “Style Guy” D Sly!

Any other suggestions?

Quote via STLToday