Man Wins Lottery Twice, and All You Have are Anal Warts

43 year old St. Peters resident Mike Stigall has won the lottery twice at $55,000 a pop.

According to lottery officials, Stigall purchased a Show Me Cash ticket at Cosmic Liquor, 421 S. Church St. in St. Peters, for the April 11 drawing. The ticket matched all five numbers to win the $55,000 jackpot.

Now sure, we aren’t talking the mega-millions here, but twice?! This guy wins twice? This guy has actually won money on a scratcher ticket…twice. Sure he spent $200 grand on a stack of scratchers a day for 10 years, but that’s not the point dammit. The point is you’re working your ass off at the box factor and Stigall over here swings in to Cosmic Liquor and scopes up some pink Maddog 2020 and 55 grand.  Also, I hear your significant other is cheating on you…and we could see your underwear all day at work. No one knew how to tell you, but it was totally obvious. Even that foreign guy was laughing at you about it and that guy smells like the alley that the bums pee in.

No word yet if he has already blown the money on expensive track suits, gold chains and a fancy new hair piece. Wait here’s word…yes.

via Globe-Democrat