# Getting a Clydesdale to Dump on Your Lawn Will Cost You $2000 You can’t just get the InBev Anheuser-Busch big fuzzy horses to come to your sweet sixteen party for a bag of carrots any more. You need cold hard cash, because Belgians hate you. Anheuser-Busch has started charging$2,000 a day for Clydesdales appearances to help offset the increased costs of hauling, feeding and caring for the brewer’s iconic horses.

Every year, A-B gets more requests for its 250 Clydesdales than it can meet so the new fee will also help keep demand in line with what’s available, he said.

Let me tell you something. Totally not worth it. All the horses do is walk up, show you their teeth and then shit on your lawn. They don’t play football, they don’t have donkey friends, and they don’t have snow fights. Hell, they only look majestic until they get closer and you find out they smell so much like ass and hops you thought you just tripped in to a frat party.

Here’s a tip: Head up Jefferson to Natural Bridge Road, take a right and turn in to the first alley on your right. Shoranda will take a dump on your lawn for way less than 2 grand.