The Union Police Department was contacted Thursday afternoon after a mysterious powdery substance turned up at the Franklin County Assessor’s Office from a Pacific resident. The powdery substance turned out to be a controlled substance.
This story gets better, because apparently the Assessor isn’t exactly hip to the jive. When he saw the white powder, he didn’t do the tv cop thing where they just stick their finger in there and then taste it. [Editor’s Note: That’s what she said!] No, he called in HAZMAT!
The Union Fire Department and a Hazmat team responded to secure the substance while the building was placed on lock down.
No no no no…not done yet. This gets even better! There was a return address! On a package with cocaine in it. The cops called them up and were all like “Hey dude, you sent us a bag with white powder. This pussy thought it was Antrax, but it was just cocaine.” and then the guy was like “Yeah, just cocaine. Wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.” and then the cops were like “Ok, cool.” and hung up.
Brune said the resident who sent the envelope and “powdery substance” was contacted and explained to authorities that there was no implied threat. The person said the bag of drugs was hidden in the envelope without their knowledge.
At this point no charges have been filed because…and its the damnedest thing…they couldn’t find any of the cocaine after the HAZMAT team got in there. When asked how this could have happened, the HAZMAT team released this statement:
Sowewentintheretohelpoutbutitturnsoutitwasjustcocaine. Butthere’snoneleftbecausewehadto…uh…uh…blowitup. Yeah. Wehadtoblowitup. Wethoughtitwassomethingelse. Itsgonenowthoughsothere’snopointinlookinginmycar.