The name Moriarty used to mean something. It used to mean a kick ass, genius villain and nemisis of Sherlock Holmes, but in Kansas City Judge Moriarty is trying his damnedest to make that name mean “creepy guy that touches himself at work”
A district court judge appeared to be masturbating and used foul language during a divorce mediation, an attorney claims in Federal Court.
Kimberly Ireland claims that while mediating, Judge Kevin P. Moriarty tried to discuss her underwear and her sex life, though neither was relevant to the divorce matter. And she claims that “Moriarty appeared to be masturbating during the mediation.”
Here’s how we are hoping this all went down…
Judge: Oh yeah…and then what?
Ireland: Well…wait. Are you touching yourself right now?
Judge: How dare you?! How dare you!? …what kind of underwear do you have on?
The fact of the matter really is this: If a judge needs to cup himself when mulling over a big decision, isn’t it best that we let him do what he needs to get the decision right? I mean some people use those big asian metal balls to play with while thinking, Moriarty just uses small american balls instead. Is that so wrong?!
[Editor’s Note: Yes.]