Come Claim Your Gatorade From the O’Fallon Police Department

Apparently there was quite a string of thefts in O’Fallon, MO involving some punk kids going through cars.  Never fear though, the O’Fallon Police Department have solved the case after a COPS-worthy foot chase!

On 07/22/09, at approximately 3:06 AM the O’Fallon Police Department received a call from the Patriots Landing subdivision in reference to two juveniles going through a vehicle. Officers responded and a rolling perimeter was established. Sgt. Jeff Lange located the subjects and engaged them in a foot chase, taking a juvenile into custody.

After that thrilling scene, some $5,409.41 dollars in stolen property was recovered and if its yours come claim it from the O’Fallon PD!  What kind of things did they uncover?  Glad you asked… (emphasis mine)

Items as of 08/06/09, that were recovered but no victims are known include: back pack, wallets, car air freshener(1), radar detectors, bandana, golf cleats, bead necklace, Gatorade(2), hammer, IPOD(3), IPOD charger, car adapters, knife, GPS units, car chargers, tool(4), watch, battery in case, car lighter, suction cup mount, mini mag light, Gameboy game(5), nail clippers(6), lighters, Johnny Cash CD, IPOD case, locket, tootsie roll bank(7), pocket PC, binoculars, nail clipper set(8), flashlight, ear piece, AC/DC converter, Portable DVD player, camera, MPS player, Satellite radio receivers, cellular phone, thumb drive, items containing currency.

Lets go through the amazingness of this list together shall we?

  1. Is the economy so bad that you are going to go in a claim your car air freshener?  …come to think of it, how the hell would you claim that?

  2. It was at this point in the press release I felt like this was a joke.  Nope, its not.  Come get your Gatorade…still half full we hear.

  3. This list item isn’t really silly as much as it is annoying.  Why, after all these years, figure out how to correctly type the word “iPod”…little i, capital P lowercase “od.”  Not hard.

  4. Tool.  Feel free to insert your own joke here.

  5. Make sure to swing by to claim your Super Mario Land for game boy…the one where you can’t tell the differnce between Mario and Lugi because the screen is black and white and 3″ high.

  6. Nail clippers.  Yup.  Nail clippers.

  7. I don’t know about you, but if someone stole my Tootsie Roll bank out of my car, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

  8. Oh you have nail clippers?  Damn, not mine.  I had a whole nail clipper set stolen from my car…what?!  Awesome!

All in all, thats a large list of crazy crap that was recovered…wouldn’t hold out much hope for the tape deck though…or the Creedence.  [Editor’s Note: Huh?]

Source: O’Fallon Police Department press release