Found on Ebay while watching the Rams piss away another win-able game:

“98 TONY BANKS ODYSSEY HOLOGOLD 1ST QTR /150 RARE” (link)

Starting bid: $0.99
Current bid: No bids.

$0.99 seems high for old Tony Banks. Really high. Like $1.50 high.

“2008 Upper Deck Signature Aaron Miles Autograph” (link)

Starting bid: $0.99
Current bids: 2
Winning bid: $1.50

God bless scrappiness! It’s the only reason he got enough bids to get two bids and $1.50. Here’s hoping the money is used wisely by ebay seller amiles_redbirdz4eva. Tony won’t be around to keep signing him forever.

“NOAH’S ARK Restaurant Children’s Menu St Charles MO” (link)

Starting bid: $8.99
Current bid: No bids.

$9 bucks for an old menu of a theme restaurant? This is why the terrorists hate us.

“St. Louis Cardinals Women T-shirt – M” (link)

Starting bid: $17.95
Current bid: No bids.

All the best shirts could be confused with a child’s bed sheets. This will look great in XXXL in section 443.

“VP Fair Beer Can Schell Brewing Co. 1982 SS Mint Nice” (link)

Starting bid: $1.49
Current bid: No bids.

Getting a beer at the VP fair? $0.50. Not drinking it: -4 hours of fun. Selling that same beer 28 years later? Apparently not priceless.

“St. Louis Cardinals Tony LaRussa autographed card” (link)

Starting bid: $2.99
Current bid: No bids.

Cards with Tony actually smiling are worth a lot more.

Aaron “I’m horrible but plucky” Miles manning third base? Randy Winn?! The Astros have nothing. They should be the ones playing Randy Winn and Miles!

Oh did you miss the game? It didn’t go well. This is how I will sum it up for you:

Aaron. Miles. Pitching. 18-4 Astros.

The Cardinals are freaking terrible. Yes, we are right there atop the division, but so what? Are the playoffs really that cool when you just get blasted out of them right when you walk in?

Tony LaRussa reportedly had this to say about last night’s game:

“I was hoping for one of two things, either the 10-run rule or the 7 inning thing you do in the minors sometimes.”

The important thing is that Aaron Miles got to play. I’m not sure why Miles’ “Make A Wish” of playing in the big leagues seems to be lasting much longer than the rest of the dying or retarded or retarded dying kids usually go though. Most of the time they just meet Madonna and then that’s it. Seems like ~7+ years in the big leagues is plenty. Give someone else a wish now.

We took a moment in our busy schedule to take in a ball game last night and were reminded that though St. Louis may be considered baseball’s “best” town, that doesn’t really mean we know the most about baseball.

Imagine our fortune that we landed on the very game that Aaron Miles makes it back to the Cardinals, fresh from double-A Springfield. Pushing down poor Allen Craig who got to smell the sweet air of the Show just long enough to wonder if it was all just a dream. Sorry Allen. You have upside and we are all just about the imagined greatness of yet another little scrappy white guy in St. Louis. You’re best bet? Hack 6 inches off yourself, strike out a ton, and play horrible defense…oh, but run really hard when you do get a walk 4 times a year. We love that.

Yes, he bit a guy that tried to take him hostage while in the minors. Yup, I’m sure he’s a very nice guy. Straight up though: He’s horrible, and lame on his best day. Please stop cheering him, we all look like assholes when you do that.

Here’s why: Though we can admit his career batting average of .282 in 7+ seasons of major league experience and some 2500 at-bats isn’t horrible, it all goes down from there. He only walks a mere 5.4% of the time making his career on base percentage a crappy .322 (when starting with a .288 average). It gets worse when looking at his horrible defense, and those the metrics are murky for that kind of stuff, even the most die-hard Miles fans can recall more than a few botched plays (though they won’t admit it)…plus all those plays he didn’t even come close enough to screw up.

Still not enough to make you realize he’s wasting a bench spot? How’s about this stat: If you compare Miles’ career to that of the average player, or what is called the “replacement” player…as in any old dude you can call up, Miles ends up costing us 7.4 runs. That’s right. Grab any old guy in the majors and put him up there, and he’ll do 7.4 runs better over a season than spunky little Miles. So at best…best! He’s basically a random baseball player…but a little worse. At least Allen Craig as upside.

This is like Royals fans going apeshit over Willie Bloomquist coming to bat. Who? Exactly.

[Editor's Note: Love love love that for some reason it appears the Royals chose to have a picture of Bloomquist dropping the ball on his player page.]

Stats via Fangraphs

Sweat mother of god, what is this team’s fascination with Aaron Miles?!

The Cardinals toyed with the idea of bringing Aaron Miles back to the fold earlier this season but couldn’t find a way to wedge the utility infielder into the organization.

That changed with Felipe Lopez’s right elbow injury.

With Lopez on the 15-day disabled list with a strained ligament, the Cardinals signed Miles to a minor-league deal. Miles isn’t earmarked for the majors or even pegged to replace Lopez. But the Cardinals have found him playing time.

Wow. What a get! Thank god we signed him when we did. I hear Miles was thinking about spending the summer scratching himself playing multiple positions poorly but working in a big hit once a month to stay afloat in a co-ed softball league.

Since his last at-bat with the Cardinals in 2008, Miles has been with three different teams while still on the original two-year, $2.9 million deal he signed with the Chicago Cubs. After hitting .185 last year for the Cubs, Miles was traded twice this winter, first to Oakland and then on to Cincinnati.

This quote from the Globe Democrat was really a great one from Tony “I’ll Blindly Get You On This Team and Push Down a Rookie Because You Had Spunk 2 Years Ago” LaRussa:

“That’s really what he has to show – what’s his skill level like right now?” manager Tony La Russa said before the Cardinals played the Atlanta Braves Tuesday night.

Ya didn’t think to check in to that before you signed him? Sure he’s coming cheap with the Cubs paying all but the league minimum salary this year, but I’m pretty sure he was giving it all he had the last year when he was batting below the Mendoza line. Who the hell hires a guy and then says: “So, you can still do this job right?”

Here’s hoping Pujols told all the new guys to pay attention if you are on deck during a Miles at bat. We can’t have Miles sending Matt Holiday’s career out to eye-patchture like he did with Juan Encarnacion.

via STLToday and the Globe Democrat