Going forward, Thanksgivings will probably be a little awkward…

Man confesses to brutally beating his parents at their Poplar Bluff home Tuesday evening.

Well, the important thing is that he eventually told the truth. Pretty sure that’s what Bill Cosby told Rudy and we can’t think of a reason why it wouldn’t apply here.

Officers with the Poplar Bluff Police Department were called to the scene at 12 p.m. after a they received a call from a man who said he arrived at the home in the 1900 block of Wilson Street and found two people inside had been beaten.

The victim’s son, Matthew Jenkins placed the original call to police about the beating. He later confessed to the Butler County Major Case Squad that he hit his parents.

Such a lovely boy. Never could tell a lie for too long. Pretty angry though, and always had the hair cut and facial hair stylings of a 90’s movie character. Are the two related? We’ll never know, but yes, probably.

Jenkins told investigators that he repeatedly struck the victims in the head with an aluminum baseball bat.

Never gonna get to the big leagues using aluminum bro! Gotta start beating your parents with a wooden bat. Maybe start trying to beat younger people too, might be more of a challenge for you instead of hitting off the old people tee.

The victims, Carl and Vickie Jenkins, were both transported to area hospitals in critical condition. Both were stabilized.

Matthew Jenkins was charged with two counts of first degree domestic assault and booked at the Butler County Jail.

Glad to hear mom and pop are doing better, while junior heads to jail where destiny has united that 90’s hair and goatee with the a little too deep v-neck he was born to wear. Here’s hoping they hand out plaid flannel button down shirts when it gets chilly in jail.

via KMOV