The stinky lump of empty sadness and RAZR cellphone case carts known as Northwest Plaza is set to be torn down Tuesday, and in it’s place will rise the next chapter in Northwest Plaza lore. It’s return to greatness! …which means what exactly? Oooh! Maybe it’s finally getting a Ms. Fields!

A home improvement store, restaurants, outdoor shopping, an education center and an officer tower are all expected to be added. Security is also expected to be ramped up, with cameras and bike patrols in place to deter crime.

The redevelopment is expected to cost $106 million.

Strike “outdoor shopping” and it sounds like they just described a white collar prison. We’re not saying that’s a bad direction to go in though, since the last three plans for a resurgence have consisted of little more than “Lets get another wig shop in here!”.

Raven Development is now the third company to try and help this mall prosper, but the county says it will not fail again.

Strong words from the county. They must think that no one will remember they said that because they can’t possibly think that third time’s a charm? Why would they say it that strongly? It just doesn’t make sense to be that certain of success on a property that has been nothing but fail for so long.

If the mall does not succeed, however, the government will not provide grants for future projects.

There you go. Local St. Louis-area government at work! “This will not fail! …but when it does, we’ll just throw more money at it. There’s this box of money in the office marked ‘Stop Taking This Money, It’s to Pay for More Policemen!’ and we just take handfuls out of there for crap like this all the time and it’s never seemed to have any adverse effects on the area.”

via KMOV