Baron Calmese Jr. is one of those names that make you visualize a guy that wears smoking jackets all day, but this particular Baron Clmese Jr. is actually a total douche butthole…and naturally he’s from St. Louis.
Baron Calmese Jr. of the 12100 block of Aragon Avenue was staying with his sister along the 11100 block of Estrada Drive when he asked her if he could borrow some quarters at about 5 p.m. on July 26, according to court documents.
This part is fine of course, we just thought it was really funny how specific The Post Dispatch got with this part of the story. “So, he wanted to borrow some quarters, but what time of day was it?! I need to know these things! …oh, about 5 p.m.? Please proceed now that my mental visualization of this back of the news paper crime story is properly fleshed out.”
She gave him permission to take $2 in quarters from her son’s piggy bank.
Pause! So already this is pretty weak. I don’t have any money, but go ahead and take 2 dollars from my 4-year-old kid who probably thinks $2 is tantamount to millions. Thanks mom, but I wouldn’t expect much in the way of quality elderly care when the time comes.
Instead, he took all of the money inside the piggy bank, which included $500 from another relative, according to the documents.
Told you. Dude’s a huge butthole.
When police asked him what he did with the cash, he told St. Louis County officers, “Man, I bought a piece of ass and some heroin.”
He also farted in the kid’s room while he was taking the money, destroyed three perfectly good stuffed animals before he figured out where the money was, ran over his tricycle while leaving his sisters house, and the “piece of ass” he bought, went home that night and took out her frustrations with her own failed life on her son who will bottle the anger of having an abusive whore mom and grow to become Baron’s nephew’s grade school bully. “…but I was thinking of him the whole time!” Baron (probably) pleaded. Ewww! Not helping bro.