God Voted For Todd Akin, Claims Todd Akin

God Voted For Todd Akin, Claims Todd Akin

Last night Todd Akin cruised to victory over John Brunner, and Sarah Steelman with a 6% lead (as of this writing) to grab the Republican nomination for Senate in November’s general election. Lots of people voted for Akin to give him the victory, but there’s one guy who’s vote mattered the most: God. God’s official Missouri residency seems to be a little hard to pin down, but it doesn’t matter to Akin who gave the first thanks to him in his victory speech…

“The first thing I would like to do is to give thanks to God, our creator,” Akin said. “Your prayers were answered with victory.”

…then he thanked Mike Huckabee, ate a Chick-Fil-A sandwich, kicked a gay kid and burned a copy of Steve Hawking’s A Brief History of Time because “God never meant for that man to talk, so every time he uses that computer voice, it’s like giving the middle finger to baby Jesus.” …Ok, not really, expect for the Huckabee part, but how many of you thought that just maybe some of that really happened?

Akin will now square off with current Senator Claire McCaskill in November in an election that pollsters are already calling for Akin. McCaskill no doubt disagrees, but they can both agree on one thing: We need a lot more freedom (for Christians) to pray in school and opt out of science! We’re usually more for “facts” and stuff, but we’ll concede that Missouri should just figure out which way it’s going to go, All-Science or All-Religion, because right now we’re raising kids like this who are caught in between: Cool with having abortions, but borderline retarded…

via STLToday and our tipster (for the Yahoo Answers image)