The Onion’s Take on the Hipster Kickball Teams is Pretty Dead On

The Onion’s Take on the Hipster Kickball Teams is Pretty Dead On

We missed it when it was originally published, but The Onion, the hugely popular fake news site, printed a surprisingly on point send up of the Tower Grove kickball leagues.

Bar Owner Cannot Fucking Believe He Actually Sponsored An Adult Kickball Team

The team, known as the Ballbusters, is a group of grown men and women from Trimble’s neighborhood who play competitive kickball matches against other area teams of grown men and women on Sunday afternoons in Tower Grove Park.

“Why? Why in hell did I think this was a good idea?” said Trimble, explaining that a bearded 27-year-old wearing skinny jeans came into his establishment last month and told him all the local bars were sponsoring kickball teams. “This guy kept bugging me, and next thing I know I’m forking over 500 bucks for T-shirts, headbands, and some idiotic striped tube socks they just had to have.”

When asked what possessed him to connect his bar to a team of college-educated adults who play kickball, a game normally enjoyed by second-graders, Trimble responded by saying that he had obviously lost his fucking mind.

We’ve covered the yearly kickball orgy before, and now we mainly stay away from it both on the site and in our car, avoiding Arsenal at all costs. It’s usually worth the stop signs to drive by the park on the weekends, but we just can’t stand having to wait in the middle of the road one more time for two guys in skinny jeans, v-neck shirts and waxed mustaches to carry their cooler of PBR across the street, while another guy in plaid shorts and his wife trails behind them holding some baby probably named Willow or something in one arm and a box full of kickball team t-shirts emblazoned with a team name that is just yet another way to reference someone’s sexy parts in the other. You could cross at the actual stop signs you know! God damn this is annoying! We can’t even remember what we needed at Schnucks now! Eggs? Do we need milk? Dammit! There better not be any old ladies ahead of us at self-checkout because we are completely out of patience!

via The Onion