City Officials Foil Earth’s Plot to Swallow St. Louis

City Officials Foil Earth’s Plot to Swallow St. Louis

KMOV is reporting that a sink hole forming in South City has been fixed, thus foiling the earth’s desire to suck the city of St. Louis back in to the earth so it can grow a bunch of flowers there instead…and maybe put up a Jamba Juice.

Residents in the 5200 block of Parker and Fairview say it had been blocking their alley since February.  A St. Louis City Streets Department official says the broken sewer pipe underground should be fixed tomorrow.

The repairs will cost $1,500 and the alley should be open by the weekend.

“In hindsight we should have worked a little faster.” Mother Earth said in a statement, “but honestly, who would have guessed that the city would do a damn thing about this. I figured we had until at least July before they even noticed the west end of Tower Grove park was gone.”

When asked why the plot to take back St. Louis Earth replied “That ‘Knockout Game’ bullshit mostly, but I’ll tell ya something, that whole ‘Lets all hang around and smoke in the front of the door at Quiktrip!’ deal is crazy annoying. What’s wrong with you? You got your gas and your bag of chips, now go home! Plus we heard that the Rams might be leaving and that’s pretty much the last straw. You guys were this close to getting taken out when the Cardinals left for Arizona…that’s actually when we really started making sure your schools were crap, swallowing up the smart kids, so you couldn’t figure out how to stop us by now…but if you’re getting dumped by two crappy teams? Too much. It’s time we get that flower field and the Jamba Juice in here. Throw a few picnic benches out there, how nice would that be by the river? So nice!”

via KMOV