St. Louis’ rapid acceleration towards becoming the real life version of The Simpson’s Springfield took another step forward yesterday when a warrant was issued for Bryon Aston (white) and Landon Thomas (right). The charge? Stealing grease. Yes, it would appear that people actually do that.
Police say an officer working at John D. McGurk’s Pub saw a grease truck near the business and two men illegally removing the grease. The officer was able to curb the vehicle and take pair into custody during the early morning hours Saturday.
Police say the men also stole grease from Tucker’s Place in Soulard.
All this hardly sounds worth it: Getting up early on a weekend, going to Soulard, acquiring a “grease truck”…wait, there’s a thing called a “grease truck”? What’s the grease exchange rate? Why not just swing by any South County elementary school and ring the lard out of some of middle America’s fat children? Wouldn’t it be even easier to just always wipe your hands on the same napkin for like a month and then turn the napkin in? So in the movie Varsity Blues, how is it that no one knew Johnny Moxon had such a good quarterback arm? Everyone’s all whiny about him and then after one game everyone, even the coach, is cautiously all about him. What?! He never threw in practice? This is the first time you’re seeing this?! He tried out for the team didn’t he?! There’s just so many questions!
While not mention specifically in the news article, the word on the street is that, in addition to the grease racket, Aston and Thomas also run the shovel racket in town.
[Editor’s Note: …Did you get that last thing we said? If you did it means you watched and remembered the same thing we watched and remembered! *giggle*]