Those two school yard terrorists are a distracting menace and must be stopped. Thank goodness the Jersey School District acted so quickly upon seeing what these deranged sickos had done to their hair. Seriously! Who dyes their hair a non-standard color? How did they even do it?! This is the first we’re hearing of any such ability to change hair color!
The superintendent says colorful hair is against the rules.
Bailee Hartshorn, 10, says officials told her she would not be allowed back in school with her colorful hair.
Why did these girls dye their hair in the first place you ask? Are they huge fans of Sarah Jessica Parker’s character on Flight of the Navigator? Are pink and blue the new colors for the little girl gang, known only as Rainbow Fight? No, it something far more local news-worthy:
[…] they dyed their tresses for cancer awareness [but] were sent home because of their hair color.
For cancer awareness! Oh man! Don’t you feel bad Jersey School District officials?! Was kicking two girls out of school for basically nothing and then finding out that they were just trying to raise awareness for cancer because they recently had friend or family member that died of the horrible condition not enough? You want us to drag this box of free puppies into the road so you can drive over them on our way out of the school parking lot as well?
The superintendent who did not want to talk on camera did say via phone that he isn’t buying the parents’ claims that the colors in the students’ hair represent police officers and various forms of cancer. He says the kids can come back when the bright colors are gone.
Ok, that’s about enough. Is colored hair really a problem? We’d love to know the colors that are and aren’t allowed, and how that chart came to be. What about if the girls wanted to go redhead this year? We bet that’s ok, so what about a little brighter red? What about highlights? What about…ok, we’ve exhausted our hair coloring knowledge, but you get the idea. We don’t think anyone would characterize this as a big deal, but you made your point, so let the girls go back to school Superintendent Numb-nuts. Go bother the kid with a gun in his locker and opening plotting revenge on Facebook.
…that being said…
We will side with the school on this one little point: It is kinda dumb, and frankly cheating to do something weird that then when someone tells you to stop it you say, “Oh no, you don’t understand. It’s for a good cause.” Sure, this particular instance of pink and blue hair coloring is pretty benign, but what if some kid showed up to school with this dick just hanging out, and when the teachers tell him to put his dick away or they’ll suspend him, the kid says “No, no, no, no, no! I took my dick out this morning, from behind the protective layer of my pants, because it’s not afraid of AIDS. It’s an anti-AIDS thing. Fuck you AIDS! My dick’s out. Take that.” It’s cheating. You wanna be weird, that’s cool, just be ready to pay the price, and don’t just start bringing cancer or AIDS to your rescue, because they didn’t to anything to anyone…ok, they did do stuff to people. Not Magic Johnson though! He’s been spared so far, and that’s gotta count for something.