The Jefferson County Police are offering the chance to stay in their new jail one night, meals included, for the low low price of $30. What a deal! …right? Hmm…it sounds interesting, but something isn’t quite sitting right with us here…
The newest place to stay in downtown Jefferson City opens for business next month, and the management is offering a grand-opening special: $30 for a one-night stay with dinner, breakfast and your own private cell. Every guest will get a free booking photo and a complimentary “Cole County Jail” T-shirt.
Don’t you see what’s going on here?! Can’t you see their plan?! Cheap room and board with “complimentary” clothes?! Jefferson City residents far and wide won’t be able to pass up the cheap thrills of “seein’ what it was like for Uncle Jesse, or Aunt Clem in the pokey!” so they file in, sign up, suit up and get locked in to their “room”…and that’s when the warden comes out: “Attention folks! This here is the new jail ’round these parts and we just hated to see her empty like this so we invited you nice folks in for a stay. [Laughter] …but here’s the thing…we’re in Jefferson City, which is situated right there in the middle of meth country so chances are, at least 63% of you here tonight are either carrying meth or are high right now. Sure 60⁄40 isn’t an ideal ratio for mass incarserations such as this, but all in all we’re happy with those numbers.”
It’s a trap!! (…and now the image makes sense. If it doesn’t, we still love you, but you hurt us. Never do that again!)