Lambert Airport to Get Full Body Scanners

Later today at Lamber Airport, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA or “Those Rude People That Make You Actually Consider Not Showing Up For Your Vacation When You See the Security Line” to the rest of us) will hold a press conference announcing the introduction of “full body” scanners to the Lambert security checkpoints. The controversial scanners are already in 58 airports and are will be showing up in more by the end of the year.

The controversy comes from the fact that they can, as the name implies, see your full body. Its great for hot people, but totally gross for fatties. Here’s a screengrab from a scanner:

Here is what the Lamber security folks will see:

A 12-month trial at Manchester airport of scanners which reveal naked images of passengers including their genitalia and breast enlargements, only went ahead last month after under-18s were exempted.

Sweet. Well at least we’re safer right? …well…

A German TV show put the scanner to the test and though the scanner found the knife he had on him, it missed the bomb components the subject had on him.

So they aren’t really all that helpful, and they can see your wiener or sniz. You still have one last resort to keep the creepy high school drop out in the TSA uniform that has been staring at you from the moment you wheeled your luggage up dreams from coming true: The scanner is optional. You can always choose to not go through the scanner, which will result in a standard pat down, just like when you go to a concert these days, which seems like the way to go. Unless you’re hot and want to flaunt it I guess, but if that’s really the case, we’re pretty sure that is what MySpace is for.

In a related story, the woman in the first photo died recently after trying to poop out that gun. So unbelievably sad and frankly terrifying.

We had no idea girls pooped until just now.