Dear Punching Kitty: You’re Going to Hell

Subtitle: Dear guy: We know. It’s cool.

Sometimes people don’t like this site. It happens, and is expected. Whether it’s because we’ve made fun of them or they just don’t like our humor, its going to happen and that’s totally cool with us. No one is expected to like everything. For example, we don’t like Christian Rock. It’s horrible. That’s no sleight on anyone’s belief system mind you, just a preference, a preferences that drives us to not listen to Christian rock…it does not however make us want to write odd notes to the people that make Christian Rock. That would just be creepy and make us look like a retarded dick that has nothing better to do with this time.

…now guess where this is going.

Yup. We got a “crazy guy” note! No, not from him, this one is from a new guy. Allow us to translate the comment/tip as posted on “Classical Music Station 99.1 Finds Jesus“:


Here’s a tip for you….

This is the big setup…its not going to be a tip at all!

I just found your website.

I just found your website from a forwarded email that made me triple-click on the blue E to search

Get a life.

I disagree with you so of course you are the one that should get a life, not me sitting at home angrily typing this email to someone I don’t know that talked about a radio station switching to christian music and really said nothing inflammatory at all.

Are you on anti-psychotic medication? If not, you probably need to be.

See above.

I am not afraid to post my email address but it does concern me that you might publish it and I am a very successful businessman and don’t need any grief from a loser like you who has committed the one and only sin that the Holy Bible says will “keep you out of Heaven for eternity.”

My name is Lawrence Moran, but even though I’m totally in the “right”, I won’t stand behind it with my name. I lie about what I do all the time, so sure, what the hell, today I’m a successful businessman! (see here about how Larry here is a liar)

Editor’s Note: Larry, we went to Sunday school, and the “eternal sin” is committing suicide, which we have no plans to do…unless Megan Fox never does get back to us about our fan letter with that locket of hair we sent her.

The reason I am giving you this tip is because after reading your hate on a few subjects, it is apparent that you have serious emotional issues. You may or may not already be aware of this disturbance which is based in your brain.

This “Dummies Guide to Crazy Email Writing” book is paying off huge right now!

Again, I would love to publish my email address and name, however, you are not stable mentally and also choose not to publish your personal information so let’s just leave it at that.

My name is Lawrence Moran.

Please….take my free advice and shut this horrible mess down and change your life-direction. This is a horrible website. You are a sick person and this is a sick site.

…but I can’t stop reading it, thinking about it, or corresponding with it’s author.

Please shut it down and leave your seriously misguided opinions between you and your psychiatrist.

I have no idea how to turn my computer off.

If you don’t have one please find one. There are many wonderful practitioners in the metro area.

Dear Mr. President, there are too many states now a-days. Please eliminate three. Sincerely Grampa Simpson.

Please….shut this site down. For the peace of all on the local Internet.

The local internet is in unrest…only I can stop this…to my gmail account!


Dear Larry,

Please chill out. We didn’t say anything bad about God, Jesus, Buddha, Vishnu or anyone else. We were just reporting that a station that was classical is now going christian rock. Seriously calm down…or don’t. Whatever. We just think it you might need to lower that blood pressure.

We understand if you don’t like the humor on this site. Maybe it’s not for you, just go somewhere else. No one is making you read it, and we’re going to have to gracefully pass on your offer for assistance with our afterlife reservations.

– Punching