St. Louis Native Son, John Goodman 1/8th the Man He Used to Be

Despite what you may have heard from Google (see below) John Goodman, native St. Louisan, isn’t dead. He’s just a hell of a lot skinnier than he was.


What is more shocking than Goodman in the tux, is what a disgusting blob he was. Sure, he’s always been a big boy, but my god. Freaking gross man. How does one even begin to know how to clean effectively under a bitch tit? Lie on your back and dive in I guess…pretty much on your own too because we’re pretty sure old Goodman there on the left is taller than us while lying on his back.  A lot of people say that being fat isn’t hurting anyone so leave them alone, but say that again face to face with that belt buckle holding on for dear life. That thing is about one Suzy Q away from taking out someone’s eye.

Whatever. He looks much better now. No word yet on where the Olsen twins will go to keep warm on those cold nights now that the cave under Goodman’s left boob is gone.

Goodman has a few upcoming projects, but the big one is Pixar’s Monster’s Inc. 2