Did Cubs’ 2B Jeff Baker Light His Farts and Burn His Ass?

Jeff Baker, bench infielder for the Cubs hasn’t played in a while and people started to wonder why.  Wanna guess why?

A. Could it be because he doesn’t hit lefties well?

B. He has been out because he burned his ass while trying to light his farts.

C. He just isn’t very good.

The rumor mill has it’s B.

From the comments on a popular Cubs blog:

By the way, there is a reason Baker has not been starting until today. I know someone in the Cubs organization, who informed me last week that Baker and two pitchers, one of them a starter, were lighting farts in the clubhouse, when something went awry, and Baker suffered second degree burns to his patoot. Even worse, a pitcher got a slight burn on his throwing hand. The hair on Bakers behind got singed, so he is now hairless there. In tonights game, he was lifted for a pinch hitter, something Lou never does. The reason-–the blisters on his bottom burst, causing so much water, that Theriot accused him of wetting his pants. He never came out of the clubhouse, so Lou was forced to put in Fontenot.

Awesome. We hope with everything we have that’s the answer, but common sense says the answer is A. “I know someone in the Cubs organization” isn’t usually a good start to a story you hope is true. I mean, who would even want to admit that?