Missouri strip clubs are in danger! According to the Riverfront Times a bill that would basically make it pointless to go to or run a strip club in Missouri has passed the state senate, and passed big time! …I hate you state senate.
The legislation, sponsored by Senator Matt Bartle (R-Kansas City), includes additional restrictions that would have a devastating impact on sexually oriented businesses, such as:
- Banning alcohol from strip clubs
- Requiring they close by midnight
- Restricting “semi-nude” employees from being within six feet of patrons
- Prohibiting sexually oriented businesses from operating within 1,000 feet of a pre-existing school, house of worship, state-licensed day care, public library, public park, residence, or other sexually oriented business.
Sure there aren’t many strip clubs worth a damn in the St. Louis area that aren’t east of the border, but what will become of Columbia’s little titty bar collection? Some of our best college stories are from the occasional trip to Club Vogue in Columbia, and we shudder to think of going to college at Mizzou or Truman and not being able for you and your buddies to spend a night looking at 2 decent chicks and 4 complete wrinkled messes dancing around and grinding their dirty parts on fat guy’s faces while they use the full-extent of their neck muscles to not be sucked in to the gaping diseased void staring them in the face.
Or what about the “I think I might be a lesbian” girls that come to the strip clubs with their friends claiming they were “drug there” but after a few shots or cans from the beer they brought in (yes, you could do that there) they throw themselves on stage and pull up their well-worn Winger t-shirt to let the stripper go to town?
These stories can’t survive with draconian bills like this passing in to law! Is Missouri too good for bachelor party money?!
…the ironic thing here is that more that likely all those voting for this bill have 2 mistresses to go with their wives. Which is totally not fair! Some of us are true to our wives and need a strip club visit every once in a while!
Dicks.
I guess we’ll have to wait for the scientists to get us to the only logical loophole: Zombie Strippers!
