Our tipsters our the best. We might have missed a real classic Craiglist Missed Connections that was quickly flagged off the site, but we didn’t because our tipsters sent it in!
Here it is, in its entirety, for posterity:
You threatened to shoot me at White Castles – m4w – 28 (Florissant)
Hey you beautiful gold teethed Cadillac driving sex machine. Last
night you cut us off in the drive through so we honked at you and you
went crazy. I love when a woman gets worked up with big hoop earrings
and a cigar in her mouth while talking on her cellphone at the same
time. I loved how you elegantly ignored all the cars around you and
the yellow lines showing how traffic operates within the parking lot
and just forged a path of your own. You are a renegade, you are my
black Sarah Palin. You don’t need those yellow lines to tell you how
to live – just those big yellow rings on your fingers and through your
ears.
We honked and you threatened to shoot us. I’m not sure if its because
you were black and we were white and you thought it was cool to
intimidate the opposite race in 2009 but regardless, well played. You
said you would shoot me but all I saw was the love in your eyes. You
never pulled a gun but you pulled all the strings to my heart. You
were right you did get in front of us and you got the first laugh. But
when my 8 month pregnant wife called the police and they pulled you
out of your car we had the last.
The moral of this story is that if you plan on eating your
cheeseburgers warm don’t threaten to shoot people. If I had my camera
with me I would have taken plenty of pictures of your hungry ass
cutting off three other cars because you are to fucking ignorant to be
courteous to other people. Florissant has been a great place to live
for people all of creeds and colors. I grew up here and I’ve dealt
with people here that think they can intimidate the opposite race both
black and white. This shit needs to stop. I’m not afraid of other
people and I’m not intimidated by anyone. So unless you have a gun or
you can shoot laser beams out of your fuckin eyes don’t threaten
people. Next time you do you could be threatening someone with a
permit to conceal and carry and you could find yourself in a horrible
situation.
All people deserve respect and courtesy. When you are an adult and
show none, what place do you have in our society?
I love that this Missed Connection plays out like classic Shakespeare. A love story blossoms until the climax when the police came down on her like Tybalt on Mercutio, then the story turns dark and mean and diverges in to race relations and the ramifications of conceal and carry laws.
Not sure why it was flagged though. Are there Missed Connection police that figured out this wasn’t really about love and yanked it? I guess we’ll never know, but thanks to our tipster, it will live on with its Shakespearian undertones intact.
[Editor’s Note: If you don’t know what we are talking about, you probably are a product of the St. Louis Public School system and I’m sorry.]