Every week over at Deadspin, John Salley spins a yarn, weaving a picture of his old playing days. Last Fridays’ story took place in the butthole of the metro area…a butthole that, like real buttholes, some enjoy visiting and that’s great, but the fact remains, normally it’s a shit factory.

I went to this nasty strip club with the Torry Brothers one time in East St. Louis. I don’t even think white people are even allowed in this place. There was Guy and his brother Joe, the one from Poetic Justice. We’re in this club and Guy’s sitting there in his white sweatshirt, getting a lap dance. So this girl’s dancing and dancing on him — she’s got a big ol’ ass and she’s moving his head and stuff, grinding on his chest, up and down, back to his midsection, grinding and grinding on him.

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It’s been a official for a few days now, but Missouri made all strip clubs suck and turned our state in to the equivalent of a Catholic Grade School dance. No booze, no one can touch each other, we have to be home by midnight, and despite all the asexual rules, the perverts have no trouble finding some very illegal tail.

We here at Punching Kitty are outraged by these lame unsexy laws. Sure its good to see a few of the skanky clubs shut down because no one wanted to see some 50-year-old stripper fling herpes around the place as he get lifted on to the pole, but dammit, want about the good strippers, or the amateur nights? What about the way some fat chick gets pushed up on stage acting all reluctant until you see her get really in to the dancers and you put two and two together? We live in Missouri dammit! This is all we have!