Four lawsuits have now been filed against South County’s Castlewood Treatment Center concerning memory implants which is not something we believed to be possible, but now we’re pretty stoked as we’ve always wanted to be a secret agent on Mars!

The allegations made by the former patients include having fake memories that convinced them  that they were victims of satanic ritual abuse, that they witnessed murder, and even memories that they had eaten children. During their treatment at Castlewood, these former patients believed the memories were true. Now, they insist these memories are false.

Women go to Castlewood for help with eating disorders or a smoking habit, but the lawsuits claim that while under the…um…giant needle that we assume one uses to implant memories, Castlewood therapists also made them think they were the victims of other abuse, like being the subject of satanic rituals, to keep them coming back for longer treatment. It’s as insidious as it is unbelievable. Actually, maybe it’s a little more unbelievable than it is insidious. Is this really possible? Are you sure they didn’t try to implant the memories, realize that it’s not possible and then instead actually molest them or perform a satanic ritual right there in the office. “Hey, it’s still a memory. This one just really happened…FYI, I borrowed your lighter and used that cross Linda keeps on her desk.” said the guy who was first told to do this by his crazy boss that always thinks stuff is easier than it is.

If it is true though, think of the possibilities. Sure there’s all kinds of “Total Recall” crap you could do, but even better, this would validate all kinds of other crazy movie plots from the 80’s and early 90’s. People would immediately try to bring mannequins to life, or try to pass off their dead boss as very much alive in the hopes of continued use of his swank pad and to avoid altercations! It’s sounds awesome and we can’t wait for that to happen, or at least have the memory that it did happen but then went away for some reason, injected in our brains…by a giant needle (Seriously, no clue how that works. The needle theory probably isn’t right, but man do we want it to be!). It will be just like Hover Boards. They were real you know, but moms thought they were too dangerous, so they got rid of them. True story. Maybe. Now we’re not sure.

via KMOV and our tipsters!