So Many Prostitutes!

A city ordinance gets shot down for 1st Amendment conflicts and now we have prostitutes running all over South St. Louis! Damn you currently office-holding politicians and especially the President!

“Street demonstrating was definitely a tool that we used against the prostitutes, because obviously if they’re on a sidewalk or in the street waving down potential johns, they’re inhibiting traffic,” said St. Louis Police Captain Dan Howard.

But police lost that tool when the courts ruled that the “demonstrating” ordinance infringed on free speech.

They can still charge a prostitute for soliciting, but it’s a charge that’s a lot harder to prove.

It’s really a lovely city we live in though, despite the traffic issues the numerous prostitutes cause…have you seen Forest Park? It’s big! You can barely see the whores from certain parts of it.

Ed Blackwell says he caught a prostitute working right behind his house.

“I worked a late shift, came home about 12:30 and there was a car parked in front of my garage,”Blackwell said. “I turned my high beams on and flashed them, you know, basically to see if anybody was in there and the lights turned on and the car drove off.”

We learned in Boy Scouts that prostitutes are afraid of fire, so keeping a constantly burning campfire is your first line of defense, but make sure you hang all your food products, dollar bills, and lube from a tree in a sealed bag so they won’t have any interest in your house throughout the night.

“It’s horrible. Nobody wants to look out their front door and see a prostitute,” [Captain Howard] said. “It just brings down the neighborhood, doesn’t look good, makes houses hard to sell.”

Maybe. But having hookers turn tricks in your front yard probably doesn’t do all that much to a city house already valued at “Good luck buddy!” It’s like every house is haunted and when one sells no one can believe it happened, and old people start walking up to the young new buyers “Good to see you folks buying the old Blackwell place…didn’t think anyone would go in there again after the whores took over the garage a few years back. Yeah, lots of great old houses ’round here. That Missouri brick sure soaks up the bodily fluids.”

via KMOV

picture via @newsformaggie (Get it? Because Maggie is on News Four…wait…we don’t get it.)