Dear Punching Kitty: First excited, Then Sad, but Always Stupid

We’ve changed a lot here at Punching Kitty over our three and a half years of existence, but we’ve always own up to our copious whoopsies, and enjoy responding to our readers. Sometimes we respond in the comments, sometimes we just trade emails, and sometimes, the note is just so great we have to put it on the site for everyone to enjoy.

Can you guess which one is happening today?

From: Anonymous

To: tips@punchingkitty.com

Subject: I have a hot tip!

…already this is all wrong as this email is definitely not a “tip”. They didn’t even bother to make one of those lame dickhead “Here’s a tip for you…” jokes, they just used the contact form improperly, probably because they don’t have a high reading comprehension level. You’ll undoubtedly agree with our assessment as we read on, so lets!

I was excited to find a new blog about St. Louis, so I subscribed to you via my RSS feed recently.

We were excited to have a new reader, which happens all the time, so we made sure to do the exact same stuff we always do on the site that got us all the readers we already had and will get in the future. Namely, make fun of stuff and mainly just roll around in the weird dirt that St. Louis provides.

Wanted to let you know I am removing you now[…]

Awww.

[…] after finding your posts generally offensive due to racism, sexism and general redneckery.

First off, we love the term “redneckery”, we might steal that.

Secondly…um yeah, our site talks about racism, sexism and rednecks quite a bit, because, you know, the site’s about St. Louis…which is in Missouri, which has a long history of all that stuff. Also, and while we think this is pretty clear to the vast majority you, this site isn’t our personal web diary. We didn’t do all this stuff we crack on, it’s other people doing it and we’re just making fun of them. …ok, you get the point. Well this person didn’t, but that’s probably because she’s some crazy gypsy-hating, gossipy Albanian broad. We all know how those stinky Albanian skanks are right?! Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to concentrate on making a nice straight cut on our jeans because its hot and we don’t know any other way to acquire shorts.

And also upon learning that you apparently do not know the difference between “your” and “you’re.”

Ouch. Ok, this one we’ll cop to because of our horrible typo in yesterday’s headline where we mistyped “You’re” instead of “Your”. It was fixed when noticed, but yikes. We have plenty of typos (despite our huge staff of copy editors, seen here), but headline typos hurt, and that one was totally dumb. We know how the whole you/you’re thing works, we just suck at proofreading, mainly because we don’t. For instance: “Your email makes you seem like a little bitch, and we bet that you’re really horrible to be around because of your complete lack of a sense of humor. You’re probably one of those people that calls others by their full first name for no reason, and complains that the costumes of period movies don’t correctly portray the resources that were available in the days of yore. (Crap! How do you unbold something on the internet?!)

Anyway, applogies for that and as a token of our sorrow, here’s a free St. Louis tourism post card we worked up and made sure to proofread like crazy!

The end.

(They didn’t actually type “the end”, but we got off track there with all the your/you’re jokes and the Frisky Dingo references and couldn’t figure out how to bring it back to the letter.)

We would have love it if they would have not been such a pussy and left their email address, so we could have sent them the following personal note:

Dear Stupid

We don’t care what you read or don’t read. While we’re happy for you that your self-esteem is so high that you think writing something like this will do anything to make us change a site that thousands of other people read every day is retarded. You’re really not that cool.

Maybe you should try to find a “normal” website about St. Louis. Maybe something with the words “Arch”, “River” or “STL” in the title. Hope you like popup ads.

via tips@punchingkitty.com

referenced Frisky Dingo and this list of Albanian stereotypes