Five Things You Just Can’t Do When It’s This Damn Hot

It’s hot as hell, and we know it’s the cheesiest thing you could do this time of the year, but we got a egg and we tried to fry it on the forehead of a homeless guy. It didn’t really work. The edges kind of cooked a little but the middle didn’t get too far along. It could have used more time but homeless guy got all mad about it. All we’re saying is that it could have easily been poop on your head, so if you look at it that way, egg isn’t so bad.

Here are 5 other things that also don’t work out super well in heat like this:

  1. Looking good in fancy clothes.

Ball sweat on dudes and fancy pants are thin, under-boob sweat lines on the ladies, and back sweat for everyone. Not great looks and to twist the knife the South County guy wearing the red mesh tank top looks really comfortable. It’s cool though, you have your tropical island tie on. Everyone loves that tie at the office. (No they don’t)

  1. Sleeping

Nothing like laying on your bed, as naked as possible…no sheets…three fans point at you.

  1. Eating

Nothing tastes good when your super hot and anything cold melts before you can finish it. It’s a cruel joke.

  1. Talk to people

“Can you believe how hot it is?”, “How’s about this heat?!”, “One of those St. Louis summers huh?” Shut the f*ck up!

  1. Buying stuff

You can’t afford that! Have you seen your last Ameren bill?!

[Editor’s Note: There, we mentioned the weather.]