Last night, a jumper was spotted on the Jefferson Barracks Bridge, which caused them to close the bridge down until the sad little guy could be talked down. As of this writing, that’s all the details we’ve heard.
We’ll just assume it was Fox Sports Midwest sports writer B.J. Rains, sad because the only Cardinal that will do an interview with him was traded to Seattle, and you can’t just keep interviewing that guy anymore, because that would look really pathetic and sad…wait never mind.
Ok, so we don’t know who it was then. He was probably sad though…maybe he couldn’t get that song Jumper by Third Eye Blind out of his head and he thought this would be the most appropriate way to get rid of it. We didn’t say it was a good theory. This is where we would just rip our shirt and flex our muscles to make half of you forget that stupid thing we just said.