President Obama’s First Act to Name This “National No Other News Than Me” Day


I sure hope no cute little white girls get abducted today or Nancy Grace won’t have anything to talk about tomorrow.  Why?  Because no one can report it, since President Obama’s first act was apparently to call off all other news for the entire day.  Think I’m lying?  Check the front page of

I’ll wait.

See?  That’s all there is today.  

It gets worse though.  Not only can no other news get reported, but apparently the reporting that will be done today also needs to be shitty.  Check out this awesome reporting:

Police have estimated between 1 and 2 million people will attend today’s celebration.

Your best guess was within 1 million people?  Nice work.

If you want to attend an Inaugural Celebration you can find one…Any. Business. Anywhere.  …or, or or ESPN (for some reason).  

If you don’t want to attend an Inaugural Celebration, drink yourself into a 48 hour coma.