PETA: The Circus Elephants Have Arthritis!

The Greatest Show on Earth, Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus have come to town, to the delight of children everywhere. God we really hope someone can take something as simple and joyous in these troubled times and make it all so annoying that we don’t want to deal with it, thus strangling the fun out of one of the last few things that inspires childlike wonder.

We see you over there PETA! Come on, lets go, what cha got?

“As we saw in Sacramento, the elephants are suffering from arthritis , and they’re forcing them to perform,” said protestor Rebecca Weingart.

Weingart is referring to reports of a dispute over whether four elephants with the show were well enough to perform in Sacramento.

They could have done this any way other than protesting of course, but then no one would be able to take their picture and that little girl in the background would still be having a good time.

“One thing we’re really encouraging people to do is go to circuses that don’t use animals,” Weingart said.

You’re a moron. A circus with no animals?! We believe that’s what they do at Novak’s on the weekends and though a good time is usually had by all, its not exactly little kid friendly. How the hell do you even think about calling yourself a circus with no lions or bears? Who would ride the little bicycle if you don’t have a bear? Sure humans can do tricks, but its not that same. We heard one time at Novak’s a guy preformed what he called his version of sword swallowing, but instead of a sword it was…you know what…it’s not important. In fact we’re starting to think that guy wasn’t with the circus at all!

Is this really what we are worried about? Elephants with possible arthritis? We have a bunch of dudes that were buried alive for nearly 70 days, every one’s poor expect for the ones that are super rich, whackjobs on both sides of the political road and screaming at each other and Katy Perry still hasn’t called me back after I sent her a lovely card with that photo I took of her in her backyard, proving how dedicated I am to her, and that little vile of my sperm so she can test out the goods! What is the world coming too?! She could at least have sent back my sample if she wasn’t interested. Crazy bitch is probably going to use it to clone several of me and have sex with them out of spite. Frankly we’re impressed. It’s a flawless plan.

via/photo credit KMOX