29 year old Tyrel Lee Campbell, obviously fromt the from the Ozarks being as he has 3 in-use names and one of them is “Tyrel”, was arrested and charged with “unlawful use of a weapon and drug possession” stemming from a little incident at a local Walmart over “Black Friday”. Apparently Tyrel took the term “Door Busters” a little farther than he should have.
He’s accused of walking into a Branson Walmart the day after Thanksgiving. In addition to the loaded .22-caliber gun and 560 bullets, prosecutors also say he had a bag of suspected meth.
Granted he probably bought the gun, all the ammo and most of the ingredients to make that meth from the same Walmart, but when you bring those fine sellable goods back in the store they get all pushy! What the hell is that? Maybe he bought the gun and ammo, got half way out to his car and then had to walk back in for something, does that count for “unlawful use of weapon”? …oh yeah the meth. He could have mixed up the batteries, cold medicine and cat piss in his van right? Half the people in that Walmart on Black Friday where chilling in the parking lot since 11pm the night before just to get a good deal on a crappy TV or pointy sticks for stabbing Ozark squirrels for dinner. If 85% of them weren’t on meth too we’d be shocked.
He was arrested by police who were at the store working crowd patrol. The Springfield News-Leader reported that police were alerted to Campbell after he allegedly pointed the gun at a woman.
Oh well you can’t do that Tyrel. Sure she had her eye on the last $18 toaster oven, but that’s hardly an excuse for pointing your gun at her. Wait, did she look like one of the lizard people? If so then you really should have shot her. Meth allows you to see people as they really are. It’s a hell of a drug and so cheap to make! **
** This message brought to you by the South County Chamber of Commerce “Meth: We might as well start embracing our biggest export.”