Teen pregnancy is declining in St. Charles County everyone! It’s also declining nationally by about the same rate, but that must just be some crazy coincidence because stuff is really going well out in St. Charles County. That many Applebee’s can’t be wrong!
From 1990 to 2000, there were nearly 23 percent fewer teen pregnancies in the county. For teens ages 15 to 17, the number dropped more than 50 percent.
So it took 10 years for the young ladies of St. Charles County to finally discover the blow job. Someone throw together a press release!
A few factors play into the reduction. For starters, more teens are using contraception during the first initiation of sex, said Allison Hile, executive director of the Teen Pregnancy and Prevention Partnership for the state of Missouri. More teens also are using dual methods of birth control, like oral contraceptives and condoms.
They didn’t mention it, but our numbers point to two other factors in the decrease: The popularity of super virgin Tim Tebow, and anal. By “numbers” we mean this Post-It note where we wrote “St. Chuck Teen Pregnancy” at the top, followed by a down arrow and a crude drawing of Tim Tebow and a butt…with some poop coming out of the butt.
While we draw more turds on our numbers, St. Charles educators continue to fight over whether or not the best plan to continue this trend is teaching a realistic, and truthful version of sexual education, or just telling kids that that vaginas and penises have sharp little teeth which help them feed on dreams.
“Right at this minute we have guest speakers telling students that condoms have holes in them. Their goal is to stop kids from having sex,” Hile said. “That’s misinformation, and that’s not OK with me. I understand people not wanting kids to have sex. But I don’t understand giving them misinformation. I think that is reprehensible.”
Many St. Charles County schools have implemented Best Choice, an abstinence-based sexual health curriculum administered by Thrive St. Louis. The program follows a curriculum based on abstinence as defined by the government, which includes promoting abstinence outside of marriage and that sex outside of marriage can have harmful psychological and physical side effects. The program also encourages teens to think about how the decisions they make can interfere with their goals.
Can’t we just compromise? Lets just have the fat and/or poor kids do the abstinence program, while the more attractive ones with the money to fund a nine month “study abroad program” learn about condoms and dental dams. Everyone’s a winner in that school! Generic ferocious animal football rules!