St. John’s Lutheran Church on Morganford has been robbed again, the fourth time in two weeks and the 12th time over the last two years. This time the thieves ran off with a safe, some cash, a bunch of presents, and food bank gifts. The cops would love to stop them, but who knows if they’re going to strike for a 5th time next week, or a 13th time over-all? I mean, who can know something like that? It’s impossible to know. You couldn’t even hazard a guess really. Oh well.
“We were getting a lot of presents for Humani-tree and our food bank and they came in the very next night and destroyed a lot of presents, unwrapped everything and stole a lot of the presents for themselves,” said Rev. Michael Tanney.
The thieves broke windows and stole a safe with $100 cash and $1,000 in gift cards.
They unwrapped the presents before they stole them?! Guys, that’s just ruining the surprise. You’re horrible people and you don’t know how Christmas works. Pathetic. We’d say Santa’s probably not going to bring you much this year, but we have a feeling you don’t believe in Santa because of your abusive poorly educated drunk father never gave you anything but a “whoopin’ for thinkin’ you deserve somethin’!” this time of year. Sure your mom might have stepped in and protected you, but the few times she actually was home she was so used up from her day/night/hand/blow job she didn’t have time to do anything but inject something that made her forget her life, so you took out that aggression by taking what you want from others to fill that void. Even if it was a church, who cares right? You’re the “gangsta” or whatever it is you call yourself to hide the fact that no one loved you and you’re a complete and total waste of a life just counting down the days until you die in the streets because you finally pissed off the wrong guy. We both know that while your latest baby mamma might cry, dying young is exactly what you want, because actually getting old with some dead end job and raising your kids the same shitty way your parents did is something even you can’t pretend you’re cool with.
Merry Christmas St. Louis!