Yeah yeah yeah, another day, another St. Louis violent crime, but buckle in because this one’s weird for even St. Louis.
It all started, as all things do these days, on Facebook, where a mix up about an underage party location lead to “a few hundred” teenagers showing up at the front of club Pulse. Pulse, a classy place in a strip mall next to a swap meet, isn’t where an underage Christmas party was planned, but the kids show up in droves anyway.
The man who answered the phone at the Pulse said a few hundred teenagers had lined up at the nightclub after someone on Facebook said a teen Christmas party event would be held there rather than at a club named da Wherehouse, on Goodfellow Boulevard.
The Pulse had scheduled a private Christmas party for 10 p.m., its usual opening time, and security was not in place when the teenagers started arriving about 8 p.m., the manager said. An employee for the Pulse arrived about 9 p.m. and found the teenagers, the man said.
First off kids, 8pm is way the hell too early. In our day, we didn’t go out to underage Christmas parties located next to swap meets until TGIF was over, and at 8pm Urkle was just starting to get his stalk-on all over Laura Wilsow, so it sure the hell isn’t time to go out.
Anyway, so these kids, hundreds of them mind you, all all stacked up in front of a club that is won’t let them in and isn’t letting anyone in at the moment. Finally some employees show up to explain the matter and just about that time it got all St. Louis-y up in herrrr:
A crowd of teenagers that had been turned away from the Pulse at 8370 North Broadway was in the parking lot about 10:20 p.m. Saturday when people in two cars drove into the lot and started firing.
Both cars sped away, police said. Witnesses described one car as red with tinted windows and the other as a silver four-door.
I know what you are thinking: Shooting up a Christmas party? …North St. Louis Jewish gang. Not so apparently, just a run of the mill St. Louis drive-by.
Ranisha Cole, 17, was pronounced dead Saturday at a local hospital after she was shot in the head and abdomen.
A 16-year-old boy was in critical condition Sunday from a shot to the neck and is believed to be paralyzed, police said.
Seven other teenagers, six boys and two girls ages 14-18, were wounded in the gunfire while standing in the club’s parking lot, police said. They were treated for various gunshot wounds to their arms and legs and then released, police said.
Cole was actually in one of the attacking cars, and at this time no one knows if the two cars were shooting for the crowd, or the opposing car. We’re kinda hoping that they were at least aiming for the club’s sign because if we hear one more club named “Pulse”, “Beat”, “Vibe” or “Ecstasy” we’re going to throw our glow sticks and puke up our Apple Pucker all over your iPod-powered turntables and slivery silk club shirt you think makes you look cool but it’s probably more the fact that you go to underage clubs and buy 16-year-old’s a sixer of Smirnoff Ice. Sure you could get a job, but no one folds your shirts like mom, and plus this DJ thing is really going to take off soon.
Where were we? Oh yeah: Never ever go to North St. Louis. You’d be safer playing anyone not named Antonio Banderas in Desperado.
[Editor’s Note: “What? I don’t get it!” You suck. Go watch “Desperado” for the following reasons: 1. Everyone gets shot. 2. Selma Hayek’s boobs.]