PUNCHING KITTY

Sweat mother of god, what is this team’s fascination with Aaron Miles?!

The Cardinals toyed with the idea of bringing Aaron Miles back to the fold earlier this season but couldn’t find a way to wedge the utility infielder into the organization.

That changed with Felipe Lopez’s right elbow injury.

With Lopez on the 15-day disabled list with a strained ligament, the Cardinals signed Miles to a minor-league deal. Miles isn’t earmarked for the majors or even pegged to replace Lopez. But the Cardinals have found him playing time.

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“Hey, what if I just say I’m paralyzed…I mean hell, I can just sit there when they come to check it out! I’m a god-damned genius.”

I’ll give you one guess where this amazingly stupid idea came from. Yup. East St. Louis.

A judge in East St. Louis sentenced 25-year-old Amy Rush of Glen Carbon on Monday to two years behind bars for her role in the scam. Her ex-husband, Jeffrey Rush, was ordered Friday to spend six and a half years in prison and to repay more than $300,000. Amy Rush must make $241,000 in restitution.

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Last season’s World Series Champions the New York Yankees visited the White House the other day to do the photo-op thing and mingle with President Obama.

Obama, quite the sports fan himself, couldn’t help himself from taking a shot at the woeful Cubs while standing with the winningest organization of them all.

“It’s been nine years since your last title, which must have felt like an eternity for Yankees fans,” Obama said. “I think other teams would be just fine with a spell like that — the Cubs, for example.

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The acclaimed, anonymous, and St. Louis based erotic blog The Beautiful Kind really felt like it was just starting to take off. Much like this very blog, it was included in the recent list of favorite blogs by the Riverfront Times and we kept hearing more and more people naming themselves as readers to the constantly updated titillating stories of threesomes, butt-sex [Editor’s Note: Is butt-sex hyphenated?] and partner swapping.

Maybe you thought the Rams should have picked a wide receiver earlier in the draft to give St. Louis’ newest leading man, Sam Bradford a target for  his first year in the bigs, but ESPN’s Sports Science is here to tell you that the Rams did just fine getting a wide receiver in the fourth round with Mardy Gilyard from the University of Cincinnati.

In this clip from earlier this year, the white guy with that same hair cut every TV host not named Regis has walks you through why Mardy (yup, with a d) is no slouch.

Look at that picture of St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Brad Penny. That is one square head and neck combo is it not?

Is that attractive? Do girls like heads that look like a tree stump with ears glued on the side? Is this what you want? Eliza Dushku, Alyssa Milano, and whoever the hell this chick is apparently all think so as Penny has dipped in to each of their pine tar at one point or another.

Back in February 2008 five people were killed during a shooting at the Kirkwood City Hall. A lovely memorial was commissioned, work began, and right before it got finished Michael Moore, the loser in the 2008 Kirkwood mayoral race, not the fat guy with a camera, has decided to sue the city because unless you got your head blown off in a war, the taxpayers don’t own you crap. …stupid people getting shot….You know we gotta pay to have the carpets cleaned now! Ya think that’s cheap?!

No. It’s not…but we agree with our tipsters that it totally looks like her though.

On the left is Axelle, who is one of the castmembers on VH1’s Tough Love Couples show, has a really dumb name, and has a striking resemblance to our own Dana Loesch, who is would certainly qualify as a “super-fan” of Punching Kitty.com.

After establishing that, yes, they are in fact two different people, we looked in to how they are alike: After watching the show, we know that both can be kinda angry at a moment’s notice and both have brown hair…um…we mean on the top of their heads, but we’re sure what you were thinking is true too.

Dammit. Why can’t we ever get in the news with a nice, regular looking, non-hoosier for once?! Just once. That’s all we want. Just once to say to the rest of the nation “Hey look. I know you think we are back water hicks that live in a place where you make movies about fancy California getting sent here as some sort of punishment that ends of setting them straight, and by and large, that’s pretty close for the large majority of us, but I think it’s good for you to know that we aren’t all like this. Some of us have all our teeth and don’t just make our summer clothes by cutting off the sleeves and legs of our winter clothes.”

After Jill Devine’s departure from the ClearChannel owned 93.7 The Bull, the word was that her sucessor was to be Jim Doyle, as reported by STLMedia.net. We’ve heard this isn’t the case.

As soon as today, Devine’s, now vacant, morning shift will be filled by a two-man out-of-town morning show, not Jim Doyle. [Editor’s Note: Is that was she said? …hmm. Maybe.]

We don’t know the names of the gentlemen running St. Louis’ newest morning show but we can take a pretty strong guess that they probably work cheap.