Nearly a month ago we told you how Bridgeton, Missouri stinks. Like for realz stinks. It still stinks today, but at least area residents can metaphorically breathe easy after officials from the Department of Natural Resources released a statement saying that the stink wasn’t life threatening, but also confirmed that “the city who smelt it, probably dealt it.”
On Friday, the Department of Natural Resources quietly released a brief summary of air sampling results on its website.
Air samples were taken on Feb. 2 and Feb. 4 at locations around the landfill and in nearby residential areas.
Samples analyzed by the Department of Health and Human Services for volatile organic compounds, hydrogen sulfide, aldehydes and other gases and compounds. In both cases, the department concluded that “concentrations did not exceed a level of concern for public health.”
Hey, alright! Nothing to worry about then…other than the horrible stench of burning trash engulfing the home you invested your life savings in. We’re sure it’s just part of the price to live in the area that contains some of the airport, and a huge landfill, while being St. Charles casino and Mills Mall adjacent. Sweet living! Totally worth it!
“We don’t want this to be a one-time deal to shut everybody up,” [Kathleen Logan Smith, environmental policy director for the Missouri Coalition for the Environment,] said. “We want to make sure their testing is ongoing and has some integrity.”
They’re willing to go the distance on this further testing, which could include one or more of the following:
1. An intern instructed to drive out to Bridgeton every day with his windows open to confirm the current stink levels.
2. Seeing about putting out the trash fire.
3. Telling everyone #3 is impossible, because it sounds really gross to actually go and check in to.
4. Checking with Costco to see if there’s a way to order a Bridgeton-sized Stick-Up air freshener. A public vote will be held this November to decide between two scents: “Waterfall Breeze” (D) and “Some Kind of Indiscernible Citrus” (R).
5. Just keep telling everyone we’re working on it until people get used to the smell.