The movies taught us that “The Last Samurai” was an Tom Cruise-looking American general with long hair, but as usual the real “Last Samurai” is some old skranky-looking guy from Kirkwood.
Here’s how it went down: Two guys start arguing in a Kirkwood home late last week and soon they were told to take it outside, which 46 year old William Earnhart did…right after he grabbed a samurai sword real quick, because fair shmair, you should have found a sword too if you didn’t want your arm cut off.
Police said in court documents Earnhart and the victim were told to go outside to fight. As they left, Earnhart grabbed a 30-inch sword from the dining room and slashed the victim’s right arm to the bone, cutting a five-inch gash above the elbow, according to court documents.
Earnhart was later arrested at his house and admitted to being the crazy asshole that brought a sword to a fist fight. You gotta wonder about the other guy though who thought he could still hang in there when the other dude produced a freaking sharpened sword. Unless you’ve got some ninja stars in your pocket, you just bail at that point right? Maybe you hang in with a bow staff, but we’re thinking even nunchucks aren’t enough to go with because unless you know how do something with them other than flourishes around your neck and shoulders and instead can do whatever it is you’re supposed to do with those that can actually hurt someone. Don’t get us wrong, the usual nunchuck tricks look really cool, but not totally effective when some dude’s whittling your arm down to a nub.
Wait, do nunchucks also shoot lasers? If they do then never mind.