While it’s been well known to everyone for some time is that people, in general, ignore tornado warning sirens. They go off and people don’t listen, can’t hear them or just wish they’d stop so that they can continue their mugging without interruption. Weather people just found out though, and so as of today they are introducing a new warning system that they think will make people realize when a tornado is small, or a tornado is of Joplin-destroying magnitude.
[S]tarting today if it looks like a tornado will be severe there will be a new kind of warning. The warnings will include terms such as “mass devastation”, “unsurvivable” or “catastrophic.”
So here’s a warning you might hear from 4Warn Storm Team members Steve Templeton (Chief Meteorologist), Matt Chambers, Kent Ehrhardt or Kristen Cornett: “THIS IS AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS TORNADO WITH COMPLETE DEVASTATION LIKELY. … SEEK SHELTER NOW! … MOBILE HOMES AND OUTBUILDINGS WILL OFFER NO SHELTER FROM THIS TORNADO – ABANDON THEM IMMEDIATELY.”
One obvious issue is that in some areas the words “devastation” or “catastrophic” might not be fully understood and then quickly used as baby names. In those areas, the warnings will be tweaked to the following: Instead of “unsurvivable”, it will be “You dead.” Instead of “catastrophic” it will be “You crazy?! You know you betta run bitch!” and instead of “mass devastation” it will be “Remember when cousin Uncle Leroy ate up all them beans then got drunk and missed to toilet? This whole place is gonna be like Aunt Sarah’s bathroom.”