Hey cute girls at work! You know who you are. It’s pretty clear who the cutest girls are in your office and you’re one. We, the other people at work, need a favor. You know that creepy guy that does that job we couldn’t pay anyone else to do that we always joke might come in one day and kill us all? Well he might be able to actually bring a gun to work soon, so could you just quick give him a little hand release in the bathroom to buy us a few more months of safety?
Missouri businesses could no longer prevent licensed concealed weapons in their parking lots under a bill passed in the House Thursday.
The Business Premises Safety Act would prohibit business owners from restricting any lawfully licensed firearm in vehicles parked in their parking lot.
That’s it! We’ve just decided we are going to be a politician. Just now. It’s pretty clear you can pass any ‘ole dumbass law you want as long as you include the words “Safety”, “Freedom”, “Children”, “Terrorism” or “America” in the bill title.
When elected we would immediately write a bill that allowed for the use of live or canned salmon on strippers when they stand on their head and you can see the fake boob implant sack ripples under their boobs. “The Provide America’s Children Freedom and Safety from Terrorism” bill would also allow people to play the tuba as they walk behind fat people, mandate all tax refunds be returned by a state official showing up on your door and “making it rain.” Lastly, it would require any adult caught watching NCIS that their middle name be changed to “Retard”
Go ahead and try to run your commericals explain what the bill actually says, with enough money for posters with American flag backgrounds, “The Provide America’s Children Freedom and Safety from Terrorism” bill will pass in a landslide!
Where was I? Oh yeah. This dumb gun bill.
The bill also prevents business owners from being liable in cases where a customer is attacked on their property unless a similar crime has been committed in the past 24 months.
One Democrat opponent to the bill said tongue in cheek as long as a murder only happens at a business every three years, the owner will be in the clear.
You know, if business owners can transfer their “Get Out of Murder Liability Free Card” there could be some real business going on between St. Charles County’s many Red Robin establishments and the Eat-Rite Diner downtown.