On Friday we spread the link of our two year old pre-Mardi Gras coverage entitled: “Dos and Don’ts for you Mardi Gras Weekend” It’s a classic, which is kinda why we stopped covering Mardi Gras, but this year we slipped up. While we thought somethings were obvious, we should have added a new “Don’t”. Specifically: “Don’t: Point Your Gun at Police Officers.”

“I was never scared, but I was just shocked that I had just seen that, with as many shots and as much blood as there was,” he said. “At that time of day in that part of Soulard in the middle of Mardi Gras, that was the last thing I thought I was going to see.”

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David Lee Sperry was charged yesterday in the murder of Kenneth Ray Vaughn, who was found dead on January 10th after being shot in the head and set on fire. He also had no relation to singer Stevie Ray Vaughn but clearly didn’t mind the questions enough to stop using his middle name of Ray, but also didn’t go all the way by calling himself Kenny Ray Vaughn…but maybe he did because they always use your full name after your dead, like all of a sudden your own personal name preferences don’t count. It’s the worst thing about dying, probably. Well not for Kenneth. He was shot and then burned by a guy that looks like a zombie Art Garfunkel (right)…not current bald Art Garfunkel, but if Art Garfunkel from the 70’s was turned in to a zombie. …What? You don’t like that reference? You think it’s a stretch?! That may be, but don’t start thinking you’re special living in a world where zombie jokes are cool, but they cross the line at time travel?! F*ck you. You try thinking of 1,982 different ways of making a guy getting killed in to a funny joke! Take it from us buddy, eventually you’d get to a point where zombie oldies references seem like a pretty good idea!

Update: Hey look, what do you know! This shooting was because of an argument about the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting according to the AP. A shooting because of an argument about a shooting? USA! USA!

Original post below…

A man entered the “All Cuts Barber Shop” in Wentzville, MO yesterday, apparently had an altercation with someone inside, left and returned a moment later to shoot the place up.

Do they not get the news in Wentzville? We’re all kinda anti-bringing guns places these days.

Three friends from the High Ridge, Missouri area got together to help one of the buddies move. As friend-based moving crews are tend to do, they moved beers to their face faster than anything else and soon the evening turned to less serious pursuits, namely watching he moving “Savages”. What was already a bad idea because of the fact that the one guy needed to get his stuff moved and “Savages” appears to be a pretty horrible flick (51% rating on Rotten Tomatoes), got worse when someone decided to act out a particular scene involving disarming someone in some badass way.

No city knows how to flip a good rule on it’s head, spit on it and kick it in the eye like St. Louis. For instance, earlier in the year we saw someone that “Just said no.” to drugs get shot, and now we have a guy that offered someone a ride home get shot in the neck. In the freaking neck! That’s what you get for looking out for other people’s safety you dick!

St. Louis’ finest attempted to pull over a car for a routine traffic stop last night just south of downtown. The car pulled over, then took off and police gave chase. Shortly after they heard gunfire and a stand-off started. Little did the cops know he wasn’t shooting at them, he’s just a retard and shot himself.

After a standoff that lasted about ten minutes, police took the driver out of the vehicle and discovered he had shot himself in the upper leg, either accidentally or on purpose. There were also three bullet holes in the windshield, Coll said.

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Ok, well we give up! It’s officially a no-win situation in St. Louis when someone walks up to you at a probably creepy North City gas station as asks if you want to buy some drugs. In July we found out that you shouldn’t say “No thanks.” because then you’ll get shot, so we, being the kind, helpful, nice smelling, soul-meltingly beautiful site we are, we offered the following advice:

If you live it St. Louis, it appears that when someone offers you drugs, it’s safter to just take some since the one thing you can’t go to rehab for a bullet in the chest. Please inform your kids about this change in standard parenting lesson protocol.

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Early Sunday morning a north city woman was reportedly shot in the chest after she refused an offer to buy some drugs. Take away lesson? If you live it St. Louis, it appears that when someone offers you drugs, it’s safter to just take some since the one thing you can’t go to rehab for a bullet in the chest. Please inform your kids about this change in standard parenting lesson protocol.

St. Louis’ totally uncool obsession with shooting people in the face continued over the weekend when a man was shot (in the face) while leaving his downtown apartment.

Officials say the victim was driving outside the Mansion House Apartments off Memorial Drive just after 3 p.m. when two suspects walked up to his SUV and shot him.

Dude.

We really don’t want or need to get in to the long history of people getting shot in the face in our city, or why that’s just not civilized. We’ve done that. What we are going to do is put up or “No Face Shots” campaign logo and then go get a quick snack, clear our schedule for the rest of the day and then head back to the computer because we just spent some time searching the internet for “blasted in the face”, “face shot” and “asians with big boobs”, and while we didn’t find what we were initially looking for, we found a bunch of other stuff that made us forget what the original thing was and why we were upset about it. Bye!

At least two people have been killed in East St. Louis shootings over the long weekend that started with a “Stop the Violence” rally, but if you think that’s news then we should also tell you about the Cubs being horrible and how Taco Bell makes us poop. What is a little more news like is that a man was shot today on an overpass after what appears to be a “road rage” incident…and it happened deep in St. Charles County! It turns out it’s not just the city folk packing heat, it’s everyone in the bi-state area.