PUNCHING KITTY: 2009 - 2013

Punching Kitty was a writing project for the city of St. Louis to have a little fun and try to get everyone to stop taking themselves so seriously…and hopefully highlight some critical issues along the way. Not everyone liked it (it turns out people don’t love being made fun of) but we converted a lot of people and I take pride that the site was truly well read. From the local media, to area police departments, Punching Kitty truly became a source for news and entertainment for St. Louis.

We had a lot of fun, but all good things need an ending and ours was on March 13th, 2013. When we closed up shop the news made local radio, TV, and even the front page of STLToday (The St. Louis Post Dispatch’s website) where we were the top story over a new pope being named. Wild stuff.

While we will no longer actively write, the site will stay up as an archive for St. Louis.

- The Editor

The American Ninja Lives in St. Charles. Please Don’t Touch His Wood.

Wanna take scrap wood out of dumpsters in St. Charles? You’re call, but if you do, be prepared to tangle with the ninja of Sun Lake Drive: 41 year old Scott Schwartz. St. Charles Police Lt. Mike Akers said two men were searching for scrap wood inside a dumpster in the Sun Valley Lake apartment complex about 9 p.m. Thursday. Akers said the men told police they had been given permission to search the dumpster. [Read More]

Missouri Sex Slave Previously Featured in Hustler’s Taboo Magazine

The horrible story of a Missouri man holding captive and tourcuring a young mentally disabled girl for years, a story we covered last Friday, took a weird turn recently when it was discovered that the July 2007 issue of Hustler Magazine’s Taboo magazine featured a cover story on the man now in deep shit with the FBI and his “slave”.

That’s right a freaking cover story! Here’s the cover (right, moved through the jump) with the victim on the bottom, (naturally) and blurred.

To review…

It started with Ed Bagley, Sr. (no not the actor) who forced the woman in to being a sex slave while advertising online for tortuous sex sessions. Sessions that were purchased by the other three men: Michael Stokes, a national representative for Disabled American Veterans, Dennis Henry, the Postmaster General of Nevada, Missouri, and James Noel, who’s job is apparently too lame for any report to mention.

Bagley has been charged with no less than 10 counts of various horrible things which could net him life in prison. None of this was on the radar in July of 2007 when he was the talk of Taboo magazine where he had a multi-day photo shoot after a Taboo photographer reached out to Bagley via an online forum.

What did the photog think after interacting with the “couple” during their stay in Hollywood?

“They actually seemed to be quite a lovely couple … if anything he was going out of his way to make sure she was as happy as possible. I was very shocked to see the government had any issue with them at all,” Marcus told TheWrap.

Although he said he met the couple only briefly and “may have very well been mistaken,” Marcus told TheWrap that he saw no sign the woman was forced, coerced or mentally disabled.

“I mean sure, he had a gun pressed to her back and told her he was going to kill her if she cried for help, but that’s pretty standard stuff at these photo shoots. They seemed very much in love as Ed un-sewed her vagina and clamped one of those bear trap maskes over her head before we went to lunch. I remember Ed had a ham sandwich and she had a glass of his urine.” …is what he would have said next but possibly didn’t because we made that last part up. Sounds true though right? I mean with this story how the hell can you tell.  Oooh! Lets also say they had make your own sundaes after lunch. Those are always a way to pick up your spirits during a tough day of beating the hell out of your coerced slave in front of everyone and taking photos of yourself winding rope (right)…freaking rope! …for your fetish cover story. This is when your attorney just closes his notebook, looks at you and say “Screw this. You’re on your own.”

Hustler is cooperating with the FBI and no charges are expected to be filed against the magazine publisher.

via The Wrap

[Read More]

Former St. Louis Cop Makes His Entry to the Horrible St. Louis Music Video Contest

What is in the water around here these days that makes every little weird dude think he can be a rapper?! I really didn’t think drinking a little homeless guy urine had this effect on people…maybe there is something else in the water.

The latest entry in to the “That’s pretty bad, but I can make a worse St. Louis rap video” contest that seemingly sprung up out of nowhere is from “Tak”, a former cop that bravely took a bullet drunkenly took a bullet (more on this follow up), quit being a cop…and then started a rap career. We really want to be there when they finally dislodge that bullet chunk that floated to his brain and he wakes up wondering what the hell he is wearing and why people keep calling him “Tak”. In the mean time, lets dissect his video!

Stand Tall” is what you get if you mix slow spoken rap with drunken Tom Petty karaoke, a cheap video camera and St. Charles County wanna-be-ghetto fashion. One could say the video is a bit “Tak-y”. Zing!

Possibly in an effort to distract you to the fact that the song is approximately 79% chorus, the video tries its damnedest to use symbolism and Hollywood trickery to get you to like it. Notice the use of “Please Point a Camera At Me, I Don’t Care the Reason” skanks:

Gotta be weird for her to not be shot in night vision.

[Editor’s Note: Click through the jump to see the rest of the video review and, of course, the actual video!]

[Read More]

Former NBAer John Salley Tells a Disgusting Tale of East St. Louis Stripper

Every week over at Deadspin, John Salley spins a yarn, weaving a picture of his old playing days. Last Fridays’ story took place in the butthole of the metro area…a butthole that, like real buttholes, some enjoy visiting and that’s great, but the fact remains, normally it’s a shit factory. I went to this nasty strip club with the Torry Brothers one time in East St. Louis. I don’t even think white people are even allowed in this place. [Read More]

Bradford Loses His First Game, but the Internet Doesn’t Care

The first Sunday in the 2010 NFL season was a day of ups and downs for Rams starting quarterback and St. Louis Prom King in-waiting, Sam Bradford. Some of those moments were more obvious than others, but it’s still worth running through Sam’s day: As the fans piled in to the Edward Jones Dome its clear St. Louis loves Sam Bradford. All the Rams of yesteryear be dammed! Replace that Torry Holt jersey! [Read More]

Our 1,001st Post

So that last post? The one about the Cardinals Twitter account? Post number 1,000 for Punching Kitty! 1.75 years. 1,000 posts. 500 Facebook fans. 1 lawsuit threatened. Not too shabby and hopefully all of you will have us around for another thousand. To judge how big we have become, and in turn our self-worth, here is what searching for “punching kitty” will return in a few big websites: Google Youtube [Read More]
1000 

Attention All! The Cardinals Changed Their Twitter Account Name!

Listen up people! The St. Louis Cardinals official Twitter account is now “CardsInsider” not…um…whatever it was before. Here’s a chunk of the actual press release sent out yesterday afternoon about this momentous day: “Our new name better reflects the content that fans can expect to receive when they sign up to follow the team on Twitter,” said team President Bill DeWitt III. “In a relatively short period of time, our Twitter feed has really established itself as the unfiltered source of the latest news and insider information directly from the club. [Read More]

4 Men Charged With Multi-Year Sexual Assault

Four Missouri men have been arrested and charged for helping to run a “commercial sex trafficking” ring. Dear Penthouse Forum! The most disturbing of their charges involves all four men sexually abusing and torturing a young retarded woman for several years…years! They reportedly also forced the woman to work as a stripper. Still no word as to how they forced guys to look at her. “The allegations contained in this indictment are among the most horrific ever prosecuted in this district,” said Beth Phillips United States Attorney for the Western District of Missouri. [Read More]

Ravens Linebacker Gets Chewed for Taunting Rams

“Hey you don’t make fun of and taunt the weaker kid! They suck, but they’re trying their best…sure none of it will matter and in the end, after a rough season of getting their brains bashed in they’ll somehow end up more “special” requiring them to wear helmets in normal non-helmet requiring activities and will join a Christian rock band that only gets gigs so that people can show up and say things like ‘Oh my. [Read More]

Mugshot Quiz: Guess What Your Fellow St. Louisans Did!

We will show you three mugshots from KMOV and its your job to guess what each of them did to get there. We’ll even give you multiple choice!

#1 Michael Church

Yes, he looks like Jesus’ stunt double, but he’s not standing here so his parents can see how much he grew. He’s really here because:

A. Trying to perv out with two young girls.

B. Went crazy after a few bad shrooms at a Phish coverband’s show.

C. Just wanted the life experience of going to jail.

#2 Daniel Jones

Crap. We already used the “Jesus’ stunt double” bit. Um…I don’t know. He scares us.

What did he do?

A. Tried to steal Rob Zombie’s identity.

B. This is actually what happened to Jason LaRue after getting kicked in the head.

C. Weed. Lots and lots of weed.

#3 John Winship

Old guy hair with an old guy mustache, what could old Biff have done to get him here?

A. Beating his wife. Probably because she didn’t tape “The Wheel” or something.

B. Shooting his gun randomly as if he’s never seen those “What goes up…” ads during the Holidays!

C. Man boobs. Well, they should be illegal!

You want answers? Click through the jump for all the sexy back story.

[Read More]